Why Is It So Hard To Receive Compliments?
Most people like receiving compliments, I personally enjoy a compliment or two. There are others also who find it very hard to receive compliments – some feel uncomfortable when praised while others hate it completely. So what are the reasons why some individuals find it very hard to receive compliments why other enjoy it so much and see it as a sign that they are something nice?
Relationship between Compliments and Self-Esteem
We do not realize that many aspects of character are determined by our self-esteem. The way you feel about compliments is a reflection half the time of your self-esteem and your self-worth. When an individual with low self-esteem is complimented, they feel uncomfortable because it goes against how they view themselves – people seek to verify their own perceptions of themselves, whether those are positive or negative.
A study shows that students with low self-esteem preferred to continue staying with their roommates even if the roommate viewed them negatively, than staying with one that viewed them positively.
What this means is that when you feel negative about yourself, and you receive praise from others you feel discomfort because the compliments conflicts how you think about yourself. When you believe that you are not attractive and a friend compliments you that you look beautiful, you immediately feel like they are lying to you. If you feel that you have no skills and someone praises you that you are intelligent, you might feel like it is all a lie and that you can only be a disappointment.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, showed that people with low self-esteem find it most difficult to receive compliments. The study showed that compliments are most likely to increase your negative self-image than improve it. The study goes on to show that when the compliments are in a romantic relationship, it can break up the relationship because the individual with low self-esteem would always feel like they are being lied to.
The result was that people with low self-esteem when praised by their partners are pressured to live up to the expectation of the praiser. The individual being praised would continually feel like they can’t live up to the expectation causing them to feel they are not worthy of the love. They begin to withdraw from the relationship or leave entirely.
Compliments and Culture
Most people with low self-esteem find it hard to receive compliments, but not everybody who find compliments uncomfortable necessarily have low self-esteem. Two components that have a huge impacts on whether we would find it hard to receive compliments or now are – culture and ideology.
In some cultures, giving and receiving praise is very acceptable and done regularly. In other cultures, giving compliments is not the norm.
In the ideology aspect, individuals with high self-esteem might have views that associate compliments as condescension rather as encouragement.
You are trying to be humble
Sometimes when we are complimented or praised for achievements, you might not know how to respond. It would be very awkward if you answered a praise like “You are such an amazing singer” with a “Yes I know” reply. Sometimes a simple “Thank you” can be awkward for some people.
A lot of studies have shown that humility show a lot positive characteristics like increase in self-control and good leadership qualities.
How to Accept Compliments with Grace
When you find it hard to receive compliments, it could be because of an underlying reason. There are two main things you need to address – your self-esteem and core beliefs. When you learn how to address this issues, you would find it easier to accept compliments.
There are two things involved – You might no longer feel awkward when complimented or even if you feel awkward, your behavior wouldn’t.
Develop your self-confidence and integrity.
When you are confident in yourself and abilities, the intention behind the praises that people give would no longer bother you. No more wondering if they really mean it or just making fun of you. This time you only trust yourself and your reactions.
When you are confident in yourself, you stop reacting to the compliment in the way you think people would appreciate, instead you would react with genuine appreciation and sincerity.
Confidence in yourself allows you to not see your value through the lenses of a compliment and still be able to smile when we receive one.
