2 Key Causes of Narcissism & Their Harmful Impact on Relationships

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism personality disorder (NPD) is a condition where an individual has an over-inflated sense of importance. (1)

Psychology: NPD entails selfishness, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a constant need of admiration.

Psychoanalysis: Self-centeredness arising from the failure of distinguishing self from external objects, especially in young babies as a symptom of a budding mental disorder.

According to Wikipedia – Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealised self image and attributes. (2)

Synonyms: vanity, self-love, egotism, conceit, egomania, self-adulation, self-obssession, self-absorption.

Narcissism personality disorder is more common in men. Reason for this is unknown, but it might most likely be due to genetics and eviromental factors.

Common Symptoms of Narcissism

Grandiosity, Callousness, Lack of emotional response, no regard for the feelings of others, constant need of admiration, inability to accept criticism and social isolation.

There are two main categories of narcissists:

• The overt narcissist : They come across with a superficial persona that is exaggerated, grandiose and the feel like they are better and above all others.
• The covert/introvert narcissist : Qualities includes; judging people quietly, self-absorbed and dismissive of others.

The key causes of narcissism and the subsequent harmful effects on relationships are both complicated and multifaceted. Among the various causes of narcissism, it all boils down to two key factors – “narcissistic wound” and “narcissistic indulgence“. Most chronic sufferers of narcissistic personality disorder either suffer from one or two of the above pathologies, with majority of them not realizing it.

Narcissistic Wound

Origins of narcissistic wound can be traced to one or more life experience where an individuals “feel rejected”, “not accepted” and made to feel like they are “not good enough”. These effects usually starts – but not always – during childhood and teenage developmental years. Pressures from the family, society and social interactions can make a narcissist feel a kind of way. The narcissist develops a superficial alter ego that is in stark contrast to their genuine self so as to feel loved, accepted and appreciated. They build up a “i-am-better-than-you” and “a-you-can’t-touch-me character so that they don’t feel pain, hurt or humiliation”. These character helps the narcissist to suppress the self-loathing and internalized shame they might feel. (3)

What is the difference between a narcissistic individual and a normal individual when they go through challenges?

A normal individual would respond to life challenges by developing strong resilient skills ( developing inner strength, ability to accept criticism and learn from one’s mistake, the desire to grow one’s self and development) . On the other hand, a narcissist would develop over compensatory habits and schemes (they see themselves as superior to others, inability to accept criticism and rarely accept that they make mistakes or have flaws). The narcissist develops this compensatory habits and false persona to seek attention, admiration, adulation and avoid the stigma/pain of been seen as injured or not good enough.

Narcissist adopts all these pretentious versions of themselves with hopes of been accepted by others and themselves, but the opposite almost always happens as they continue to struggle with the idea that they might never be adequate, and their narcissistic tendencies only has a harmful impact on their relationships.

Narcissistic Indulgence

The factors that causes narcissistic indulgence includes familial, social, educational, professional, and/or societal influences. These conditions causes the narcissist to “feel superior and above” all others. They feel like they are one of a kind, can do as they please and get away with it. Narcissistic indulgence causes the individual to feel entitled, feel like they should be treated specially than others and should be granted exemption from certain rules and laws. A lot indulgent narcissists believe they can mistreat people, behave any how they like without any repercussions. (4)

An indulgent narcissist carry themselves in a poor manner. They presume it is their natural right to be placed above every other person and everyone should be at their beck and call. To a narcissist, the world revolves around them.

Although an indulgent narcissist might look arrogant on the outside, the reality is that their self-esteem is almost always dependent on materialistic and external accompainiments. The narcissistic individual usually have a hollow shell: they only do things that serve their personal interest, get into a fit of rage when people do not cater to their needs immediately and are filled with self-doubt. Without their external shell and fake-superior outlook, the narcissist feel like they are nobody.

The greatest challenges for both wounded and indulgent narcissist face is that they lack the ability to engage in relationships that are both healthy and loving. A narcissist would only do things for their selfish interest without regard for other people’s emotions.

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References :

1. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/ss/slideshow-mental-narcissism

2. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/impossible-please/201401/the-narcissistic-wound

4. http://www.imedpub.com/articles/the-cognitive-neuroscience-of-narcissism.php?aid=22149